Bismillah was solatu was salaam ‘ala Rosulillah
Today marks the second day of the new Hijri calendar. I wanted to write my intentions for the new year the day before, but my father was discharged from the hospital after around two months of being warded and the family is adjusting to having him back at home – not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally.
For the most of the last Hijri year – and the two years before that –, I have been battling (or rather, succumbing) to bouts of depression characterised by long periods of just nothingness. Nothingness in the sense that I felt nothing and did nothing on most days, even as my mind was consumed by a continuous droll of hate-speech directed towards myself.
In the last two months, something lifted from within – by the grace of God – and I am praying that He grants me the grace to continue to focus on Him instead of myself as I did before. Each night, I thank Him for allowing me to think those thoughts, to do the worship He has allowed me to do, to even say thank You for being able to say thank You, and I know with deep conviction that all the good I am able to do, is by the Enabling Grace of God.
And I too know that whatever sin I am holding on to – and there are many, and the many are major – it is only by the Enabling Grace of God that I will be able to leave and repent from them.
From Allah. By Allah. Through Allah. To Allah. Ya Allah!
Thus I make intentions for this new Hijri year, to work on those major sins; to unlearn what I had “learned” and to relearn them in the way the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ had shown me to. I am afraid of failure, ie. I am afraid of my own ego, but I know du’as are made only because He wants to give. And He gives whomsoever He pleases, whatever He pleases. Seekers and sinners alike.
Today is Day 01 of The Relearning Project.
Seeking your du’as.